So I’m feeling a little reflective today. Maybe it is because I should be in church right now, but as life would have it, it does not appear to be in the cards. So I have been busy around the house since I have been up since 7am with Mark, who was not the cranky baby last night and did sleep good. I’ve gotten 3 loads of laundry washed and dried, cleaned up the kitchen and I have banana muffins and bread in the oven cooking and a stew in the crock pot. It got me thinking again about my life and where I’m at with it. This is something I have been turning over in my head for a while now. I am not anywhere I thought I would be in my life. I’m 30 now and 10 years ago I really didn’t imagine my life-like this. I have learned though that all of this isn’t really up to me to plan. I can plan so much but really my life is already laid out for me. Whether you believe in fate, the lord or cardboard boxes, we all can agree that our life is not always our own choosing. My life is not too far off from what I had hoped and planned but it is different. I was not sure if I would be a stay at home mom or a working mom. I felt more like I’d be a working mom once my kids got back to school, part-time or around school hours so I could still be home for my kids. Working a flexible job. Now well those thoughts are long gone from my mind, with 4 kids and a shift working husband I’m now the capitan of this ship and keeping her on course is my job. Getting kids to and from activities, saving money on our bills and groceries, and keeping all the appointments in order. I wanted to be that mom that baked all the time, had plenty of time to play and do crafts with her kids, I’d read to them every night and make Martha Stewart like meals all with a broom and mop in my hand keeping my house tidy and organized. Now I know most of you are sitting there thinking ok don’t you already do that. You are the most organized mom with twins I know. Yes but not as much as I would like. I’m still in my PJs and it is after 11am, since the boys do not feel the need to nap so I can have a shower. The fact I have gotten what I have done this morning is amazing. More often I’m racing around, just trying to keep on top of what I do to keep things somewhat smooth. I usually am running on survival mode, not a mode that I thought I could live on. See I used to live in fantasy land, where I had those rosy coloured dreams of being the leave it to beaver mom and the working mom.
All of these things have come about mostly because of the boys. That is where my life took its sudden turn and thrust me into this new territory of chaos. Being pregnant when I was least expecting it and trying to prevent was a huge wake up call for me. Right from the start Dave and I agreed though we were not going to be bitter or angry about this change babies are a wonderful blessing and I wanted it to be a happy occasion even this extra blessing wasn’t something we planned on. I did shed a few tears, but I then turned and embraced this new path. Now my blessing was that a blessing, my boys belong in my family more than I ever dreamed. Some people don’t see their blessings as such. Some people look at me and think, I wish I had as many kids as you, I wish I had twins, I want your life. But what about your own? Take a good look at the blessings you have been given and try not to look at the sad or negative side of them and look to the positive. Carrying around bitter feelings for the directions your life has taken is like carrying around a heavy bag of potatoes. After awhile it gets to be too much, drags you down and makes you tired. Let go of that bag and embrace what you do have! Life is what you make of it, and once you have been given the life you have it is up to you to make it the best.
Sorry if I have dragged anyone down, it wasn’t meant to be a sad blog but an inspiring one today. I’m feeling very blessed today even though I didn’t get much sleep and feel crummy with a cold, I’m still very thankful for all that I have. I look forward to the adventures my life is going to take me on.